Posts

Silence at the table

  You sat on your phone as i hoped mine would ding with a man that could get you away from me   Wisco girl I’m ready to get buck  If I flip this table I hope you fast enough to duck  I’m messy that way  I’m not the one to play with  Rough ride ? You gone make me lane switch  Cut you off you lost the game bitch treat me like GTA but we in the city where they BTA  you dumb asf but gone learn today  have you crying for mommy like you in the 5th grade  Have you doing laps like it’s training day  Call D. See what he say, he tell you right, funny thing is I don’t deny it  But then when I look at the bigger picture it’s above the scar the size of an island  The one you put there to steal from me  So excuse me if when I sneeze I throw my trash at you  You’re garbage and I don’t know what else to do  But find ways to say FUCK YOU wish I could retract my anger but could you ever reverse the time you put me in danger c...
Post a Comment
Read more

The power of a tongue

Finally writing again about a loser who doesn’t know a pen from the pig pen he use to sleep in.  I remember the night you fucked up my face. I remember it because you left a trace.  One makeup won’t erase.  I caress the new part of my body thinking damn I wish I hadn’t let your pathetic love, be my “warm embrace”.  Standing 10 toes watching you blow wherever the wind goes.  Taller than me, you cower compared to my past industry,  How I stupidly  date a trump supporter, and when I am loved by you I think of him like  “ damn maybe it doesn’t have to be over”  You make sunny days feel like nightmare and indescribable pain.  You make common sense feel like a child who can’t count to 10.  You try my patience, I be unable to take it.  You cut so deep, deeper than you ever penetrated me.  You stoop so low and claim that’s you being ten toes.  I hope you get an arranged marriage for your sake.  I hope you get a baby and ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Straight hair don’t care

 It’s funny how my hair got straighter as I got… Well, less. 
Post a Comment
Read more

31 drama

 Your words hurt, yes  But not as deep as the realization  That I truly no longer cared about (opinions from) you It hurt to know my heart gave up checking for you  It hurt that you deemed it out of the blue  I guess you didn’t notice I guess I don’t care Some friendships aren’t meant to go the distance These words best explain why I’ve been distant  “Wish you well babe” Oh man I still have your number saved. 
Post a Comment
Read more

Crashed into you(r friend)

 It’s taken me 25 years to understand let alone action on my parent’s timeless mantra: not everyone is your friend. With the ones I’ve gained (and lost, obviously) who needs enemies.  I wish I could say I was perfect. I’m not, which is precisely why I’m not proclaiming it. I am however questioning the validity of any friend or friendship from someone who left me with insults carefully crafted around my trauma and mental health that which I’ve allowed them close enough to see.  One thing is guaranteed, once you’ve stooped that low, crashed your last out. I won’t be returning the favor. Because I’ve left and won’t return, period. There’s lines I don’t cross and I don’t paint pictures that can’t be erased. 
Post a Comment
Read more

Things I’d tell my mother

 Your daughter is afraid she’ll have no parents at her wedding.  Your daughter is afraid her dad will pass and she’ll be forced to invite you to the wedding out of pity and sadness.  Your daughter knows she’ll never get the mommy daughter wedding dress try on moment.  Often, when her coworkers are smiling sharing baby photos, wedding plans, life plans — your daughter finds herself looking away.  Your daughter feels like she never got and will never get that.  Your daughter use to believe she could give that to your grandkids.  Now your daughter feels like damaged goods.  Your daughter is yours because you passed your pain to her without hesitation.  Your daughter resents you for this.  Your daughter is carrying pain in her body.  Your daughter wishes she wasn’t yours and that you weren’t hers. 
Post a Comment
Read more

I wish I could tell my pets:

Mommy feels responsible for what happened in the road.  Mommy is convinced she’s down on her luck.  Mommy is tired.  Mommy got rejected from the apartment she really wanted. Mommy feels like a failure.  Mommy feels like sometimes grandpa doesn’t get her emotions.  Mommy feels alone most of the time.  Mommy is worried her emotions control her rather than the other way around.  Mommy is scared she’ll be homeless.  Mommy is scared to take time off from work.  Mommy doesn’t know why.  Mommy wants to scream help.  Mommy can’t whisper to ask for advice.  Mommy is prideful.  Mommy is down on her luck.  Mommy wishes she could say this to you.  Mommy loves you, Lola and Muri. (And misses you so much Spiri). 
Post a Comment
Read more