I wish I could tell my pets:

Mommy feels responsible for what happened in the road. 

Mommy is convinced she’s down on her luck. 

Mommy is tired. 

Mommy got rejected from the apartment she really wanted.

Mommy feels like a failure. 


Mommy feels like sometimes grandpa doesn’t get her emotions. 

Mommy feels alone most of the time. 

Mommy is worried her emotions control her rather than the other way around. 

Mommy is scared she’ll be homeless. 

Mommy is scared to take time off from work. 

Mommy doesn’t know why. 

Mommy wants to scream help. 

Mommy can’t whisper to ask for advice. 

Mommy is prideful. 

Mommy is down on her luck. 

Mommy wishes she could say this to you. 


Mommy loves you, Lola and Muri. (And misses you so much Spiri). 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

When love is lonely

  We weren’t in love, we were lonely.   And there’s a difference. I can’t speak to love. I don’t know it. But I can speak to loneliness.  When you’re lonely it feels like your soul has scoured the earth for a companion. Many days you come up empty handed. Those days feel like years until you stumble upon someone. Someone who seems to get you in ways the emptiness didn’t. They speak and it feels like music not because it is but because the silence was too deafening and now their voice is like symphony. I wouldn’t wish a lonely heart on my worst enemy.  Lonely hearts settle for empty company. They settle for companions who are settling for them.  Lonely hearts love the hardest. Not because they can but because they convince themselves of it. Every ‘great love’ I ever knew came after great loneliness. It felt like I was being healed. I felt consumed. I felt sure.  But really I was certain I preferred the company of others that none at all. I wasn’t in love wit...
Read more

SITC and uncertainty

 I’m in my Philly apartment rewatching SITC on a Thursday night…If I have to spell it out, you simply don’t pass the vibe check. But because I clearly have spare time, I’ll elaborate:  I sat in my north central philly apartment REWATCHING Sex in the City because, truthfully, it was the most action I was getting these days. Trust me, it’s not lost how on me how old AND retired I sound. All while being 24…also, I’m sure it doesn’t help my case that this wasn’t a spontaneous rewatch. Nope, instead, the thought came to me mid work day at my big girl job. I can too easily blame my distraction on ADHD. I can less easily admit that I am a sick and lonely  hopeless romantic. See, I am more than capable of being my own damn hero. Yet, I choose to pine after the imaginary love interests. If I was a man, it would seem charming, but because I am a woman, and a black woman at that, it’s deemed as crazy and potentially desperate.  The conversation which confirmed this came up at m...
Read more