Death is

I hate it. Grieving. I hate that I can swim better in the waves of grief than in the oceans tides. 

…

I hate that death is this sick dance that ends when you least expect it. It’s in that moment when your partner (life) leans your body backwards, and in your dip you have enough time to see all that you have, inside the party. All the people. All the memories. All  ‘life’s many moments’…


But then before you can pick your head up, death steps in. And the world goes dark. Because life has let you go. 


I guess a good question to ask is, “does the party keep going without you?”

From this side I’d say yes, but not nearly as enjoyable. Everyone I ever lost was way cooler to party with than without. 


So I wish we could unalive death. That way death would stop ruining the party and stop purposely targeting the life of the party. 


I wish death had to ask for an invite. I wish we could stand death up. Send death the wrong address. Leave death waiting at the alter.


But death is too clever a bitch for that. Death listens too well and spends too much time in the shadows…


I suppose death knows she’s only valuable in the dark. But in the light, she’s nothing. Death is the opposite of standing under the sun and feeling the rays. 


Death wishes the moon would invite her over for dinner, but even the moon is too pure to do that.


Death doesn’t have friends. Death has idols. Death idolizes all of the amazing and yet doesn’t have one fan. 


She’s a wanna be. 


She’s a thief. A low down no good pile of foul spelling trash, death doesn’t have a home. 


Death doesn’t have a name other than the ugliest word. 


Death is 


Not welcome here.


And you can tell death I said that. 


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

When love is lonely

  We weren’t in love, we were lonely.   And there’s a difference. I can’t speak to love. I don’t know it. But I can speak to loneliness.  When you’re lonely it feels like your soul has scoured the earth for a companion. Many days you come up empty handed. Those days feel like years until you stumble upon someone. Someone who seems to get you in ways the emptiness didn’t. They speak and it feels like music not because it is but because the silence was too deafening and now their voice is like symphony. I wouldn’t wish a lonely heart on my worst enemy.  Lonely hearts settle for empty company. They settle for companions who are settling for them.  Lonely hearts love the hardest. Not because they can but because they convince themselves of it. Every ‘great love’ I ever knew came after great loneliness. It felt like I was being healed. I felt consumed. I felt sure.  But really I was certain I preferred the company of others that none at all. I wasn’t in love wit...
Read more

SITC and uncertainty

 I’m in my Philly apartment rewatching SITC on a Thursday night…If I have to spell it out, you simply don’t pass the vibe check. But because I clearly have spare time, I’ll elaborate:  I sat in my north central philly apartment REWATCHING Sex in the City because, truthfully, it was the most action I was getting these days. Trust me, it’s not lost how on me how old AND retired I sound. All while being 24…also, I’m sure it doesn’t help my case that this wasn’t a spontaneous rewatch. Nope, instead, the thought came to me mid work day at my big girl job. I can too easily blame my distraction on ADHD. I can less easily admit that I am a sick and lonely  hopeless romantic. See, I am more than capable of being my own damn hero. Yet, I choose to pine after the imaginary love interests. If I was a man, it would seem charming, but because I am a woman, and a black woman at that, it’s deemed as crazy and potentially desperate.  The conversation which confirmed this came up at m...
Read more